Eternal Damnation
by Saklani
Summary: What happens to those who live their lives cruelly?


Author: Saklani  
Title: Eternal Damnation  
Codes: multiple  
Series: TNG, DS9, VOY   
Rating: PG-13   
Summary: A damned soul begins eternal penance.  
Disclaimer: PARABORG owns all. I make no money, I swear!!   
Feedback: HELL YEAH! to saklani@wildmail.com  
Posting- Sure! Go ahead, just let me know where ya put it!   
Author's Notes: I don't think I could truly explain this one. I sat down and wrote it this night. I guess my Muse really wanted to do it. I hope you see something in it.  
  
Eternal Damnation  
  
It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad amongst his fellow men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes forth not in life, it is condemned to do so after death...  
  
  
I hear voices whisper.   
  
I thought I knew something about torture, about torment, but there is no agony like the agony of a soul forever lost.  
  
Oh mock me if you will. I know your soul... I should, I was just like you. Heartless, caring only for promotion, for power, as if they had any meaning.  
  
they say again, and I want to scream. I am screaming, but there is nobody to hear me. Nobody to care...  
  
How fitting, that I who caused hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people to scream in pain will now spend eternity doing the same. The irony would kill me, if I was not already dead.  
  
I never believed in immortality, in life after death, but I believe now. Too late... too late...  
  
And this universe, this place I used to call my home, can a place this cold really be considered a home? All the things I thought merely a routine part of life- the slavery, the torture, the perversions, the death- when did they suddenly seem so wrong?  
  
Oh Gods, make this pain stop! I cannot bear this, but I am powerless. Everywhere I go, I see misery. I want to stop it... I must.   
  
I cannot.  
  
They are taking Nick away now. My death has made him ownerless, but I am sure that will not last long. No, with his beauty, he will be sold for a good price. I am sure my brother will find ample ways to spend the money, too. Perhaps he can buy himself a promotion or another slave girl.  
  
He is so beautiful, my Nick. Except he wasn't really mine, was he? He should have belonged to nobody but himself.  
  
I pray he goes to a kind master. I can hope for no more. I can do nothing.  
  
And Vash, my beloved body servant. Beloved, as if I ever felt love.  
  
I do now...  
  
What will become of her, since my cruelty has marred her features forever? The mines? The processing plants? Death would be a better fate, for perhaps those that condemned me will give her peace.  
  
rings in my ears again. Will they never stop saying it?!! Will I never be free?!!  
  
But I brought it all on myself, did I not? I never once saw!  
  
I can see now, but I can do nothing... nothing.   
  
  
It is doomed to wander through the (universe)... and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared... and turned to happiness...  
  
What place is this? Where have my incessant travels taken me?   
  
Can this place be real, for it is like none I have ever seen. Terrans are not slaves, but powerful creatures. And such lives they lead, such happiness!   
  
That woman over there with the beautiful red hair, I know her! She belongs to Garak. And yet, here she is, dressed in a stunning gown, dancing with a handsome older Terran. How perfect they look... Is this what Terrans would be like without the Alliance?   
  
Oh, I want to join them! I want to ask them about this place. I wish...  
  
Look at that! Can a Klingon truly be intermingling with Terrans? Regent Worf, no less!  
  
At least, he was Regent when I died.   
  
When was that? I don't know... time lost all meaning for me.  
  
Only pain now...   
  
No rest, no peace. Incessant torture of remorse.  
  
Could this have been me? Could I have known the joys I see around me?  
  
I see Garak, intertwined with a Terran. I even know him, Captain Julian Bashir.   
  
But they are not acting as master and slave. No, I feel love here, real and powerful. It burns so brightly.  
  
I want some!  
  
I see a Changeling and a Bajoran.   
  
A Prophet and a freighter pilot.  
  
A Klingon and a Trill.  
  
A Vulcan and a human.  
  
A Borg and a... hologram?   
  
A hologram has found love, but I was incapable of it? A terrible destructive part human machine knows love, but I never once felt it?   
  
Unfair! I should have known! I should have seen.  
  
But I blinded myself...  
  
  
  
Go away! I screech. Leave me alone! Is it not bad enough that I can see what might have been mine without ever possessing it?! Must you mock me as well?!  
  
  
  
Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for ones life's opportunities misused! Yet, such was I! Oh, such was I!  
  
Oh yes, I see you, brother, and I think you sometimes see me. Or perhaps just feel my presence. I am often around you now.   
  
You waste your life, brother, as I wasted mine. There is nothing to be gained in the pursuit of power. Death cares not for your place in life.  
  
And the games you play with your slaves... I wish I could tell you how sick they make me. Yet, they are the same games I once played.   
  
I want to shake you, make you see how wrong this life is. I want to change places with you and give kindness to all those you abuse. I want to make amends.   
  
Just once, let me make amends!! Just once!  
  
  
  
I understand now. I understand...  
  
Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were all my business...  
  
But I turned my back and looked for power. And now...  
  
Now, I travel all the time and watch things I can no longer experience. I do not know which is worse, seeing horrors that I cannot stop or witnessing joy I cannot share.  
  
Makes no difference, for I am doomed anyway. I and many others who went through life as I did, without feeling. Oh yes, many of my fellow wanderers are familiar to me. Pa'Dar, Garak, my brother.... more appear all the time. And they wander as I do, through the vastness of eternity.  
  
We never speak... we cannot, but we trade looks of horror and sorrow. That's more communication than we ever shared in life. And we all deserve this fate.  
  
I know that I deserve this. And if anyone ever asks you what became of Seska, arrogant daughter of a twisted Cardassian family, the answer is easy...  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
Happy Halloween, everybody.  
  
I hope you recognize the quotes as being from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.   
  
  
  
  
  



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